


Great Expectations

by PFDiva



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crossdressing, Flirting, Gen, M/M, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PFDiva/pseuds/PFDiva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In college, Dad Egbert accepts a dare from his friends, with surprising results.  Inspired by <a href="http://media.tumblr.com/4e03364a9de5589a865ef2213f0f2436/tumblr_inline_mip4f353Dg1qz4rgp.png">this Dadbert</a> on Facebook.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Great Expectations

Your name is Robert Egbert, and you are pretty sure you didn't sign up for this when you agreed to the dare.

There is a distractingly attractive black man with blond locs hitting on you with all his might, inviting you to come home with him.

You don't know this man.

You've never even been to this bar before in your life.

And your friends are in the corner, laughing themselves sick.

The blond man has been flirting outrageously with you for the last hour.

You even flirted back a little, because he is very good-looking, and the anonymity of being in unfamiliar clothing has given you a bit of courage to engage in surprisingly good conversation with him.

But now he's inviting you home with him and you realize, with a sinking sensation, that it's because he thinks you are a woman.

"Sir."

"Why yes, darlin'?"

"I have enjoyed our conversation thus far, but I must confess that I am not the woman I appear to be."

"I know."

He's not getting it.

“No, what I mean to say is that I am a man, both mentally and physically.”

“I thought that could be the case.”

What?

He laughs kindly at your poleaxed expression. Like your friends, he's the kind of big hulking fellow who should be hurling abuse at you right now for your so-called deception.

He removes his cap and shades, revealing orange eyes that brightly shine out of his face, highlighting the faint reddish undertones of his skin. He pulls his long, heavy blond locs back with his hands, "Imagine me in a Meijer uniform, with a tag that says 'Dirk.'  Paper or plastic?"

You suddenly recognize him.

Every Friday, you go to Meijer to do some grocery shopping, and since you never get much, you always go through the 12 items or less line. He is always there, ringing things up. He seemed to flirt with everyone who came through his line, regardless of gender, so you'd assumed that your case was nothing special.

Your face heats alarmingly, and you can't meet his gaze any longer, averting your eyes to inspect the bracelet you borrowed from your mother for this performance.

"If you recognized me, why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"I assumed you recognized me and wanted to pretend we didn't see each other on a regular basis."

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Well, I thought you might be some flavor of trans, and exploring your gender identity in an unfamiliar place, all that good stuff.”

You aren't, but you gape at him, touched by his solicitousness.

“I...my friends dared me. To dress as a woman.”

“You mean those hyenas in the corner?”

When he puts it like that, you want to say no.

“Uhm....well, yes.”

Dirk shrugs, replacing his cap and shades, visibly disapproving.

“Well, if you find that kinda thing fun, I guess that's your business. I came over because I thought you were a sweet, really cute person I have interesting conversations with, and I was hoping you'd take my invite seriously this time, since I'm not flirting with you on the job, but now I'm thinking you're not such a sweet person, anymore.”

“Because I'm dressed as a woman? I don't understand.”

“Because you think that you as a man dressing as a woman is a funny thing to do. It's disrespectful to women in general, and trans women, specifically, and I thought you were better than that. Guess I was wrong.”

You don't think it's funny at all, but you don't know how to protest. You watch in stunned silence as he vacates the stool next to you, wanting to tell him to stop, to wait, but your tongue is stuck to the roof of your mouth, and all you can do is watch him go.

Soon, the hooting laughter of your friends brings you back to Earth. You offer them a weak smile as they claim that you fooled him so well because you have “exotic Asian wiles” and you're small.

You suddenly fail to understand why you're friends with them at all.

You stop hanging out with them.

You don't tell them what really happened.

And you stop shopping at that Meijer.

You are too embarrassed to take responsibility for you and your friends' disrespect to his face.


End file.
